An open letter to the city of Anaheim

To all of you living in Walt Disney's playground...

Please understand that I say this with the deepest of respect, but...

You suck. Seriously. You all suck.

It's been a while since I wrote in this space, and frankly, I've needed time to decompress from my absolute disappointment over the events of the first round of the playoffs. But now that the World Series is set, I feel like my mind's clear enough that I can clearly express myself.

As a born and raised Southern Californian, I understand the laid-back culture. Having lived on the East Coast for about two years now, I still get odd looks from people when I don't get riled up about much. I get the same looks when I wear ripped jeans out and about, but I'm used to that...it's a little more uptight on this end. And yes, California fans have a rep of being kinda lame and quiet and showing up in the third inning and leaving in the eighth (something I never understood...and it's a well deserved bad rap). But seriously...

The Angels have existed since 1961. That's 47 years. And in 47 years, the Angels had never won 100 games in one season until this year. They had never clinched the AL West title earlier than they did this year. They had never had home field advantage throughout the postseason until this year. And you let them down. This was the best team in baseball this year...hands down. I don't want to hear crap about them playing in the weakest division in the majors (which they did), and how their record was a product of that (which, in part, it was). This team finished the season with the best road record in the majors, equal to their home record (both 50-31). Arte Moreno showed his interest in putting together a team that had a legitimate shot at the World Series by signing Torii Hunter in the offseason, and acquiring Mark Teixeira at the trade deadline. And yet, when Jason Bay hit a two-run homer in game one of the ALDS to give the Red Sox the lead, there were audible "Let's Go Red Sox" chants at the Big A. Disappointing.

What is wrong with you? How are you not getting into fights with Massholes left and right in that crowd? This is OUR home! You've got the best team in baseball, and to borrow a line from an old Bill Simmons column, you let Sox fans do everything short of make out with your girlfriends in front of you! Where's your f&%king pride??

I realize I'm a bit of an anomaly for the SoCal sports fan. I live and die with every Angels at bat. I show up at games for batting practice. I stay until the bitter end. I scream at umpires. I scream at Angels players when they're slumping. I heckle opposing outfielders. I don't need the stadium PA to tell me when to cheer, when to stand up and clap, when to start a rousing "Let's Go Halos" chant. I don't need ThunderStix to get loud. But my question is, why am I the exception? Why the hell aren't all of you on your f&%kng feet when there's two strikes in the count? Why aren't you out of your seats when Vladdy's up with two men on and one out? And let's be honest...how many of you knew who the hell Mike Napoli was until he saved us from yet another sweep at the hands of the Red Sox?

You are the reason SoCal fans have a reputation as soft. We all know that NY and Boston are shitty places to live, and that's why all of them migrate to LA. But come on. The last Angels-Yankees game I went to at the Big A, there were as many Yankee fans there as Angels fans. You let them pull off the Yankee roll call in your own house! WTF????? There were even Boston fans there!!!! Granted, I was okay with that at the time, because they were all wearing shirts that said "Yankees Suck", but still! It's an embarrassment. You don't own your own house. The Angels won a World Series in 2002, and have won 5 of the last 6 AL West titles. Why the hell aren't you behind them every single night? Why aren't you raucous and passionate??? I'm dismayed by your showing.

I hope not getting fully behind your team was worth it, because it may have been your last chance. We're losing K-Rod, Teixeira and possibly our ace John Lackey this offseason. There's a chance that Garret Anderson won't be wearing the halo on his hat next year (yes, really). There's even a chance that the Halos won't be in it for the big money when Vladdy's contract expires next year. This could very well be the beginning of the end of our pathetic little run at the top, and you completely squandered it. And you watched it happen and you shrugged your shoulders and you got into the parking lot after the seventh inning so you could beat the traffic back to your McMansions in Yorba Linda. Pitiful. And what's worse, you let the Red Mother F&%king Sox do it to you again. And again. And again. Remember 1986? Remember 2003? Remember 2007? If I were less a fan, I'd turn in my Halo gear and just start backing the Nats full time. At least I know what I'm going to get from them. But the Angels are my heart...something which, I'd like to point out, you jerks in "The OC" currently lack.

And speaking of lacking heart, I'd like to speak directly to the Angels now. John Lackey, I'm glad you were pissed off after the loss at Fenway. I'm glad you didn't take the high road and just tip your cap to them. And yes, I agree that the Red Sox are not a better team than the Angels overall...but they advanced. They absolutely were better than you in the ALDS. You're complaining about pop fly three-run singles? Tell your second baseman to catch that shit! You've got a seven-time gold glover in center field that (admirably) took the blame for that one, but we all know it was Howie's f%&k-up. You're complaining about liners off the wall that would have been an out in any other park? Well, you weren't playing in any other park. You were playing at Fenway. Tell your boys to make adjustments. Like I said, I'm glad you were pissed...but it comes off as whining. Big John, I'm your biggest fan, and there's no pitcher in the history of the Angels that I'd rather have pitching Game 7 of a World Series than you (yes, that includes Nolan Ryan). You want revenge? I sure as hell hope you do, but to get that chance, you're going to have to re-up. Rally your troops and get down for next season.

To the rest of you in Orange County...take a cue from the Massholes. They're obnoxious, they're insufferable, they're huge pains in the ass, but at least they care. They're passionate, they're knowledgeable (for the most part), and they're F&%KING LOUD. It's time to beat them at their own game. And don't give me this crap that LA fans just aren't that way...ever been to a Kings game? Even when they suck (which they do), they're loud and into every second. I've left Kings games with no voice on more than one occasion. Best fans in SoCal.

As an addendum, I'm pulling for the Phils in the World Series. As much as I dig Joe Maddon (former Angels manager and bench coach), and as great a story as it is, I like that Phillies team. On top of that, I'm sick of hearing Philly bitch about how they haven't won anything in 25 years. They're not as bad as the Boston fans were, but they seem to forget that Cleveland hasn't won a thing in 60 years (Indians, 1948...Browns, never...Cavs, never). So go Phils. Tampa hasn't earned it yet.

Finally, I have faith in you, Anaheim. I'm disgusted by you, but I know you can turn it around. Make like the Monkey...and rally!!!! Go Halos!