Eulogy for a million fantasy football teams

I set this up a long time ago, but just hadn't got around to writing anything until now. Maybe it was lack of inspiration. Maybe it was lack of free time. Today, I have a little bit of both. Football's back!

To begin with, let me apologize to about 18 percent of you out there. I figure that's about the right number...something like one in six of you thought you had your league on lock because you drafted Tom Brady. I feel for you guys and dolls out there. It's a rough blow to all of us. The man's a national treasure (I'll address you Pats fans in a moment, just wait your turn.). Okay, that was said with tongue firmly planted in cheek, given my distaste for all Boston area sports teams. In all seriousness, there's nothing funny about it (well, one tiny thing, and I'll come back to that later). Brady's easily the best QB in the game right now, and I'm starting to buy into the Joe Montana comparisons...he just wins, and makes it look easy. I know, I know...Peyton's great too (well, he was only slightly more effective than Brady on Sunday), but if Brady's Joe, then Peyton's Elway...probably much more talented physically, but can only close the deal sporadically.

Far be it from me to actually wish harm upon someone, even Tom Brady...it sucks that he's already done for the year. Sure, I've playfully wished harm upon about 90 percent of the league at some point, but when I heard about this one, I was mostly perplexed...Brady just does NOT get hurt! Going into Sunday, he had the third longest streak of games started of all time...not active, but all time. The guy's a machine, and has been extraordinarily lucky in his career to have been standing behind five Mack trucks...ever watch him in the pocket??? Most of the time, he's got enough time to write a letter to Mom, "Oh, and Mom, Gisele says hi. Love, Tommy Boy." Only in the Super Bowl did we start to see chinks in the brick wall Pats O-line...looks like that concern hasn't gone away. The hit, by most accounts was clean, it was just unfortunate...kinda like the situation the Pats are in right now, along with all you fantasy team owners. But, as always, there may be hope.

Fantasy owners, take heart. It's week one. There are myriad options for you at this point. You can hit up the other owners in the league and try to trade eight of your receivers (you did draft eight receivers, right? Why worry? You've got Tom Brady!) for Jake Delhomme or Jon Kitna. Don't worry too much, I'm sure you drafted a strong RB to hedge your bets, right? Oh, you got Frank Gore? Yikes (it truly pains me to say that as a 49ers fan, but I'm also a realist). Well, it looks like your main option is the waiver wire. And you know which name you need to look for...say it with me, now...Matt Cassel. I haven't looked, but I'd be willing to bet that at this point, 8:23pm EST on Monday, September 8, Matt Cassel is probably about 60 percent owned. Not impressive until you consider that he was about minus-40 percent owned yesterday morning. Tom Brady drafters, take heart...I know you went out and got Cassel. You'll be fine.

Now, to include the Pats fans in the conversation. I wouldn't worry if I were you either. Tom's great, as I've said. He's won Super Bowls throwing to the beer man from Section 405. As TMQ said a few years ago, the WR helmets for the Pats up until last year seemed to have had an inscription on the inside that said "Insert head. Become superstar." That was before last year. Of course, he didn't win it last year, but consider that it took a pair of miraculous escapes by Eli and an impossible headtrap catch by David Tyree within about four seconds to beat him. No, the real difference last year was...say it with me, now...Randy Moss.

I remember about ten years ago, there was another offensively dominant team out there that came just shy of winning it all (well, they got smoked in the NFC Championship Game by, oddly enough, the G-men). The 1998 Vikings were a powderkeg on offense, and they were helmed by some who-dat QB named Daunte Culpepper. I also remember every sports anchor/writer/announcer touting Culpepper as the greatest since Joe...and I remember thinking to myself, "He's got a great O-line, and he's throwing to Randy Moss and Cris Carter. I could get out there and throw for 400 yards a game with that combo." Fast forward ten years, and we have a who-dat QB with a great O-line who's throwing to Randy Moss and Wes Welker (No, I'm not comparing Welker to Moss or Carter, but he's a viable threat, and Moss is better than ever). A lot of stuff's going to have to go right for the Pats for them to reach that level, but it's absolutely possible. They have the easiest schedule in the NFL this season, being that they play in the shoddy AFC East (yes, even with Brett Fav-re, the Jets are still barely a .500 team), and they've drawn the below average AFC West and the abysmal NFC West this year.

Now, this is a shot in the dark, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. Matt Cassel has an absolutely golden opportunity here. If we can all recall the names Kurt Warner, Marc Bulger, Jeff Garcia, Tony Romo and yes, even Tom Brady. What do they have in common? If you follow the NFL at all (or if you've been reading anything NFL related in the last 24 hours), you know that all of them were who-dats who got their first shot at the big time when the starters in front of them went down with injuries. I'm not saying Brady should be worried, but he may want to have Drew Bledsoe on speed dial...just in case.

Oh, the one funny thing about this whole mess? Belichick's had Brady on the injured list as "questionable - leg injury" every single week for the last three years. The injured list came out this past Sunday without Tom Brady on it. Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

So buck up, Pats fans...all is not lost. As long as Emperor Belichick is walking those sidelines in the cutoff hoodie shroud, Darth Moss is still a threat. And since San Diego, Jacksonville and Indy all lost on Sunday...anything is possible.

Week two...what ya got?