College football playoff ideas are like assholes...everyone's got one

It’s December, which means that we’re about due for that annual tradition of trashing the BCS. This happens every year…there’s never a clear indication that we’re getting the two best teams playing in the BCS Championship Game, and supporters of damn near every contending school out there start whining about their lot in life (this year’s most vocal, of course is Texas, but Texas Tech, USC and Penn State have legitimate gripes as well). And, predictably, everyone who’s ever watched a football game of any sort starts coming up with playoff plans. And, predictably, every sports radio pundit out there shoots every one of them down in such a way that sports radio listeners crave (in other words, sports radio listeners love to be abused by those they are most faithful to…there really should be a support group for this). Even President-Elect Obama’s gotten into the mix. Oh, and did you hear about Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX…I know, shocker) that wants to make it illegal for the NCAA to crown a national champion without a playoff? Yeah, just like the baseball steroid hearings, I feel like my elected leaders should probably be spending more time on more important stuff…but what do I know? I don’t have an elected representative in the federal government (Just DC Taxation Without Representation nonsense again…don’t mind me). But I digress…

I figured it would be a good time to throw out my brilliant and one hundred percent unfeasible playoff plan. It’s not complicated, but it will never EVER happen because people might get their feelings hurt, and you’ll see why in a moment.

First, it’s only eight teams, which means three rounds of playoffs. Issues arising from this? Well, first, it adds three games to the schedules, making the entire season for the eventual champion or runner-up 15 or 16 games long. In my view, this is not a viable argument. If these guys are gonna go pro, they’re gonna have to play a minimum of 16 games a year. Don’t give me that crap that they can’t handle it. Secondly, you can’t expect a team’s fans to travel to three neutral sites and still sell out 90,000-plus seat stadiums. I actually kinda get this argument. My solution is as follows. The eight teams which are selected are seeded 1-8, with the top four teams playing home games for the first round. Home field advantage should count for something, in my opinion. It adds revenue to the schools with the higher seeds. And yes, this can happen logistically. Third argument: a playoff inevitably interferes with finals. Not necessarily. The first round of playoffs would be played the week after the regular season ends, second round on a neutral site (perhaps two of the large BCS bowls) on New Year’s Day (or thereabouts), and the championship game the next week (just like it is now). This gives athletes a break to finish finals, and only four teams would be affected.

Now, why won’t it ever happen? Simply, to facilitate this in a fair manner, tried and true traditions will have to go. First off, divisions within conferences need to go…and with them, conference championship games. No more Big XII North or South. No more ACC Atlantic or Coastal. No more SEC East or West. Gone. Peace out. Why, you ask? Remember 2003? Oklahoma was selected to play in the BCS Championship Game against LSU without having won their own conference (they lost to Kansas State in the Big XII Championship Game). They lost to LSU in the final, who was then forced to split the National Championship with USC, whom the AP poll voted the number one team. This is precisely the issue the BCS was created to prevent. And let’s not forget what happened in the Big XII this year. There were three teams who’d all beaten each other, all from the South division, all of whom would have beaten Missouri in the conference championship game. A true conference championship game should have pitted two of those teams against each other, rather than trotting Missouri out there like a lamb to the slaughter for the eventual coronation of one of the three more deserving teams from the South. A much more compelling game would have been an Oklahoma-Texas rematch, but thanks to the arbitrary divisional system, we didn’t get to see it. A non-divisional conference seems to work just fine for the Big Ten (11) and the Pac-10…say what you will about them being ‘lesser’ conferences than the mighty Big XII or the SEC, but they almost always produce a clear champion.

No, under my plan, every single team in the FBS plays 12 games. They all begin their seasons on the same day, they all end their seasons on the same day, just like the NFL. Their conference schedules rotate as much as possible to preserve annual rivalry games, and are mandated by the NCAA or the conference, which means no more beating up on Citadel the week before the season ends, Florida. All teams play nine (yes, nine) conference games, which should, at a minimum, preserve non-conference rivalry games like UGA-Georgia Tech, Florida-Florida State and USC-Notre Dame.

AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, NOTRE DAME MUST JOIN A FREAKING CONFERENCE. I don’t care if it’s the Big Ten (12), or the Big East, or CUSA, or the ACC…in order for them to remain in the FBS, they must join a conference and get on board.

Selection of the top eight is as follows: prior to each season, the NCAA appoints a committee to select a certain number of ‘power conferences,’ champions of which will be offered an automatic bid, just like basketball does it. As of now, six conferences get automatic BCS bowl bids, but really…is anyone going to argue that the champions of the ACC and Big East deserve it over Texas Tech this year? No, there could be as few as four power conferences, as many as six. And it could be any conference in the FBS. The MAC was strong this year…I’d be willing to stand up and say that Ball State was a stronger team than Virginia Tech this year (sorry, Di, but a four loss team doesn't have a whole lot of business in a BCS bowl when a one loss juggernaut like Texas Tech gets left out). The remaining bids would be awarded on an at-large basis, just like in basketball. Just off the top of my head, my top eight for this year probably would have looked something like this:

1. Florida (SEC Champs)

2. Oklahoma (Big XII Champs)

3. USC (Pac-10 Champs)

4. Texas (at-large)

5. Alabama (at-large)

6. Penn State (Big Ten (11) Champs)

7. Texas Tech (at-large)

8. Utah (Mountain West Champs, but received an at-large bid)

Yep, only four automatic bids this year, based on last year’s conference records, coaching movements, recruiting classes, etc. Some guy much smarter than me could come up with a formula for this.

As for other bowl games, let ‘em stay. If you’re not in the top eight at the end of the season, you can go to a lesser bowl game…they’re just not gonna be played on New Years Day anymore (like any of them are anyway).

Now, the two biggest issues I've raised here are a) the elimination of divisions and conference championship games, and b) the selection of 'power conferences'. I will argue with anyone that says conference championship games are necessary. However, I see the problem with the 'power conference' selection. Even if we take into account the previous season's record of all teams within the conferences, number and quality of players graduating/declaring for the NFL draft within the conferences, the relative strengths of recruiting classes within the conferences, and number and magnitude of coaching changes within the conferences, there is clearly no way to tell what kind of season a conference will have. Therein lies the problem with my formula (oh, and there's more...just wait). Would any of you out there have picked the Titans to win the AFC South this year at the beginning of the season? I certainly wouldn't have. So yes, there will be mistakes made in that process, but that is why the at-large selection process exists within my system. If, say, at the beginning of the season, the formula eliminated the Big East from the 'power conference' selection, and Rutgers came out, played like an NFL team for twelve weeks and won their conference with an unbeaten record, they'd have a solid shot to be seeded within the tournament. Since, under my system, all teams would play nine conference games, teams from non-power conferences would be more greatly judged by their non-conference schedules. Granted, there's only three games in the non-conference schedule, but it would encourage (almost force) teams to adopt the USC/Oklahoma scheduling philosophy—face the toughest non-conference teams you can find (traditional rivalries notwithstanding; see USC/Notre Dame), and duck no one.

I think the effect of such a philosophy would be twofold. One, since those teams in non-power conferences that are ready to make The Leap would be clamoring to get the games against top teams, they'd produce some very intriguing matchups. Two, recruiting for those schools about to make The Leap might see an influx of high school players who relish the underdog role. It's a win-win-win for the schools, the fans and the players.

Now, unfortunately, the biggest reason this will never ever work is that the only group we haven't considered is the group of stakeholders holding the purse strings...corporate sponsors. No major bowls means no naming rights. No Chick-Fil-A Bowl, no Meineke Car Care Bowl...you see what I'm getting at. But honestly, that would be a huge plus for fans. There are 34 Bowl games in the NCAA postseason currently. That means 68 of 119 teams make the postseason...well over 50 percent. The biggest complaint that people have about a playoff system is that it reduces the significance of the regular season...how much does the regular season mean if well over 50 percent of the field makes the postseason??

The last little wrinkle I'd throw in there is the most radical, which is yet another reason that it'll never fly. It's an idea that I absolutely love, and that it blows my mind that it's not already in place in Major League Baseball...and it's relegation. The same process that selects the power conference can also select the least performing conference in the FBS and kick it down to Division 1-AA, as well as promote the best performing conference in the FCS and promote it to the big leagues. It could absolutely work—who wouldn't love to see JMU play ALL FBS teams in their non-conference schedules? They may actually surprise a few people.

Of course, it'll never happen. We're going to suffer through bowl after bowl after bowl, and we're going to have this conversation year after year after year. And not even Obama's going to be able to change it. So you might as well enjoy the Meineke Car Care/Husqvarna/Sears/Wendy's/Joe The Plumber/Williams Sonoma Bowl brought to you by Dairy Queen and Memorex, featuring Miami of Ohio and Idaho State.

Here's hoping the powers that be pull their collective heads out and realize that this could work. But they're not interested in that. Because you'll watch anyway.

An open letter to the city of Anaheim

To all of you living in Walt Disney's playground...

Please understand that I say this with the deepest of respect, but...

You suck. Seriously. You all suck.

It's been a while since I wrote in this space, and frankly, I've needed time to decompress from my absolute disappointment over the events of the first round of the playoffs. But now that the World Series is set, I feel like my mind's clear enough that I can clearly express myself.

As a born and raised Southern Californian, I understand the laid-back culture. Having lived on the East Coast for about two years now, I still get odd looks from people when I don't get riled up about much. I get the same looks when I wear ripped jeans out and about, but I'm used to that...it's a little more uptight on this end. And yes, California fans have a rep of being kinda lame and quiet and showing up in the third inning and leaving in the eighth (something I never understood...and it's a well deserved bad rap). But seriously...

The Angels have existed since 1961. That's 47 years. And in 47 years, the Angels had never won 100 games in one season until this year. They had never clinched the AL West title earlier than they did this year. They had never had home field advantage throughout the postseason until this year. And you let them down. This was the best team in baseball this year...hands down. I don't want to hear crap about them playing in the weakest division in the majors (which they did), and how their record was a product of that (which, in part, it was). This team finished the season with the best road record in the majors, equal to their home record (both 50-31). Arte Moreno showed his interest in putting together a team that had a legitimate shot at the World Series by signing Torii Hunter in the offseason, and acquiring Mark Teixeira at the trade deadline. And yet, when Jason Bay hit a two-run homer in game one of the ALDS to give the Red Sox the lead, there were audible "Let's Go Red Sox" chants at the Big A. Disappointing.

What is wrong with you? How are you not getting into fights with Massholes left and right in that crowd? This is OUR home! You've got the best team in baseball, and to borrow a line from an old Bill Simmons column, you let Sox fans do everything short of make out with your girlfriends in front of you! Where's your f&%king pride??

I realize I'm a bit of an anomaly for the SoCal sports fan. I live and die with every Angels at bat. I show up at games for batting practice. I stay until the bitter end. I scream at umpires. I scream at Angels players when they're slumping. I heckle opposing outfielders. I don't need the stadium PA to tell me when to cheer, when to stand up and clap, when to start a rousing "Let's Go Halos" chant. I don't need ThunderStix to get loud. But my question is, why am I the exception? Why the hell aren't all of you on your f&%kng feet when there's two strikes in the count? Why aren't you out of your seats when Vladdy's up with two men on and one out? And let's be honest...how many of you knew who the hell Mike Napoli was until he saved us from yet another sweep at the hands of the Red Sox?

You are the reason SoCal fans have a reputation as soft. We all know that NY and Boston are shitty places to live, and that's why all of them migrate to LA. But come on. The last Angels-Yankees game I went to at the Big A, there were as many Yankee fans there as Angels fans. You let them pull off the Yankee roll call in your own house! WTF????? There were even Boston fans there!!!! Granted, I was okay with that at the time, because they were all wearing shirts that said "Yankees Suck", but still! It's an embarrassment. You don't own your own house. The Angels won a World Series in 2002, and have won 5 of the last 6 AL West titles. Why the hell aren't you behind them every single night? Why aren't you raucous and passionate??? I'm dismayed by your showing.

I hope not getting fully behind your team was worth it, because it may have been your last chance. We're losing K-Rod, Teixeira and possibly our ace John Lackey this offseason. There's a chance that Garret Anderson won't be wearing the halo on his hat next year (yes, really). There's even a chance that the Halos won't be in it for the big money when Vladdy's contract expires next year. This could very well be the beginning of the end of our pathetic little run at the top, and you completely squandered it. And you watched it happen and you shrugged your shoulders and you got into the parking lot after the seventh inning so you could beat the traffic back to your McMansions in Yorba Linda. Pitiful. And what's worse, you let the Red Mother F&%king Sox do it to you again. And again. And again. Remember 1986? Remember 2003? Remember 2007? If I were less a fan, I'd turn in my Halo gear and just start backing the Nats full time. At least I know what I'm going to get from them. But the Angels are my heart...something which, I'd like to point out, you jerks in "The OC" currently lack.

And speaking of lacking heart, I'd like to speak directly to the Angels now. John Lackey, I'm glad you were pissed off after the loss at Fenway. I'm glad you didn't take the high road and just tip your cap to them. And yes, I agree that the Red Sox are not a better team than the Angels overall...but they advanced. They absolutely were better than you in the ALDS. You're complaining about pop fly three-run singles? Tell your second baseman to catch that shit! You've got a seven-time gold glover in center field that (admirably) took the blame for that one, but we all know it was Howie's f%&k-up. You're complaining about liners off the wall that would have been an out in any other park? Well, you weren't playing in any other park. You were playing at Fenway. Tell your boys to make adjustments. Like I said, I'm glad you were pissed...but it comes off as whining. Big John, I'm your biggest fan, and there's no pitcher in the history of the Angels that I'd rather have pitching Game 7 of a World Series than you (yes, that includes Nolan Ryan). You want revenge? I sure as hell hope you do, but to get that chance, you're going to have to re-up. Rally your troops and get down for next season.

To the rest of you in Orange County...take a cue from the Massholes. They're obnoxious, they're insufferable, they're huge pains in the ass, but at least they care. They're passionate, they're knowledgeable (for the most part), and they're F&%KING LOUD. It's time to beat them at their own game. And don't give me this crap that LA fans just aren't that way...ever been to a Kings game? Even when they suck (which they do), they're loud and into every second. I've left Kings games with no voice on more than one occasion. Best fans in SoCal.

As an addendum, I'm pulling for the Phils in the World Series. As much as I dig Joe Maddon (former Angels manager and bench coach), and as great a story as it is, I like that Phillies team. On top of that, I'm sick of hearing Philly bitch about how they haven't won anything in 25 years. They're not as bad as the Boston fans were, but they seem to forget that Cleveland hasn't won a thing in 60 years (Indians, 1948...Browns, never...Cavs, never). So go Phils. Tampa hasn't earned it yet.

Finally, I have faith in you, Anaheim. I'm disgusted by you, but I know you can turn it around. Make like the Monkey...and rally!!!! Go Halos!

The more things change, the more they stay the same

It's 10:02 PM, and I already want to kill the announce team. First off, Buck Martinez's voice makes me want to throw things. Secondly, they've already made three references to how the Angels have never beaten Boston in the postseason and how they've lost nine straight postseason games to the Sawx.

Yup, Simmons is undoubtedly at the game, but just in case, I'm going to give a running diary a shot here...if nothing else, to counter his, should he write one. First time for everything...so here goes.

• 10:08-Christ in heaven. Ellsbury leads the game off with a stand up double off the wall. Buck Martinez is claiming that the heat in Anaheim is responsible, and has already played the "home run derby" card.
• 10:09-Martinez points out that Lackey's made five errors this year. Caray follows with the fact that Papi's torn the Halos a new one in the postseason in his career. Papi promptly hits a sharp grounder (played beautifully by Howie Kendrick, on the right field grass), and is thrown out.
  
• 10:11-I'm already starting to wonder how Martinez can talk with his nose buried firmly between the collective asscheeks of the city of Boston. Grounder to third, inning over...
• 10:12-VH-1's been showing the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs of all time...was watching it during the dull as hell ending of the Dodgers-Cubs game, and I'm agreeing with most of them so far. Busta Rhymes "Woo Hah! (Got You All In Check)" at number 56...very good choice. Back to the game...
• 10:14-God I wish I was in Anaheim...
• 10:15-"it's unfortunate that Josh Beckett strained his oblique...blah blah blah..." Thank you Buck...Figgins grounds out to second...why did his parents feel the need to spell his name all weird???
• 10:16-Base hit by GA...very sharp shot in the hole on the right side, but all Martinez can say is that Pedroia should have fielded it. Jesus...
• 10:19-Mark Teixeira gets a base hit in his first postseason at bat...and Vladdy steps in with two on and one out. The chess match begins
• 10:20-...and checkmate. Vladdy swings first pitch at a letter high fastball inside to pop out.
• 10:22-Torii works the count to 3-0...3-1 (big swing on 3-0??? really?)...and draws the walk to load the bases for Howie. Angels fans actually get loud.
  
• 10:24-Chopper to third, St. Mike Lowell steps on the bag for the out...side retired.
• 10:25-Foxy Brown, "I'll Be" at number 52...forgot about that track. Very sick...remember hearing it for the first time on a drive from LA to SJ in '98...could not get enough of Jay-Z's flow on that one.
• 10:27-Took them eight seconds to mention JD Drew's heroics from last postseason...but he quickly goes down 0-2, then 2-2 (come on Big John!)...grounder to Kendrick, easy out.
• 10:28-Jason "not-Manny" Bay steps to the plate, and is refreshingly torn to shreds by Martinez...Bay strikes out swinging. Sir, I know Manny Ramirez; I've pitched to Manny Ramirez. Mr. Bay, you are no Manny Ramirez.
• 10:30-St. Mike at the plate...quick liner to GA, three up, three down :)
  
• 10:34-Forgot about the cameo by Randy of the Redwoods in De La Soul's "Me, Myself and I" video...by the way, possibly the best use of a George Clinton sample ever.
• 10:35-Napoli strikes out...and I'm disturbed to see that Craig Sager is there, standing in front of a red wall, wearing a red suit. Go Craig. Your NBA suits are better.
  
• 10:36-Who had 10:36 in the pool for the first mention of Jon Lester's cancer??? (in all seriousness, the guy's amazing for how he's recovered from the disease, and I'm shocked they waited this long to mention it)
• 10:37-Aybar shows bunt; strike. Aybar swings away; strike. Aybar grounds to St. Mike, easy out. I doubt VH-1's even back from commercial with as quick as that side went down.
• 10:38-Wrong! Young MC's iconic "Bust a Move" at number 47. Tell me you don't know every word! Don't even try to say you don't. You're singing it in your head as you're reading this. The man successfully rhymed the word 'libido'!
• 10:41-Lackey plunks Jed Lowrie in the leg to lead off the 3rd, after getting ahead 0-2. I don't want to even think it...but that's never a good sign, not with Varitek coming up, because that means the top of the order's coming next.
• 10:43-Dribbler up the middle by V-tek, great play by Lackey to get the lead runner (must have been amazing, Martinez even said so!)
• 10:44-Is it wrong that every time I see Jacoby Ellsbury's name on a graphic, I think that the words "and Meyers" are missing from the middle? Great play by Kendrick to attempt to turn two, but Jacoby and Meyers is just too fast. Two down.
• 10:46-Lackey needs to shave...he looks like me over Christmas break. Sweating just as much, too. Text to my buddy Stallings...simply saying "Fukudome!"
  
• 10:47-I love the guy and all, but I gotta wonder if Mike Scioscia has more than one facial expression...Lackey walks Pedroia, putting two on for Papi (who, in case you didn't know already, is good. Caray and Martinez pointing out his .471 average against the Angels again).
• 10:49-Papi fails to check his swing on consecutive pitches, but gets the calls from the third base ump. I hate Boston. Papi paps out to Aybar, thankfully, inning over.
• 10:50-Number 43: The Game's "Hate It or Love It". Great song...too bad 50 and Game couldn't work it out...if they could recapture that flow, it could be great. Did you know that the Game is being sued by WWE entertainment over that name (Triple H--also not his real name, in case you didn't realize--has gone by that name since about 2000, I think)? Neither did I, until recently...God, I'm a geek.
• 10:54-Figgins showing good discipline at the plate, letting the count fill up to lead off the 3rd...and goes down swinging. Lester's throwing some pretty nasty stuff out there.
• 10:55-Random still photo of Jon Bon Jovi (you know, because that's perfectly normal), followed by an eyeball high called strike to GA, who promptly ropes one onto the left field grass...nice game so far for GA :)
  
• 10:56-Reply from Stallings: "I've realized during the course of the game that even the correct pronunciation of his name is funny. He's the total package." Just marvelous :) Lou Piniella, thank you so much for bringing Kosuke Fukudome into our lives.
  
• 10:57-First Walmart jersey sighting in the stands...Teixeira's looking tough in the box so far...
  
• 10:58-Shut up, Buck Martinez...he hasn't taken a breath in about 14 minutes.
• 10:59-Officiating is suspect...Teixeira strikes out after 'failing' to check his swing. Must be nice to be V-tek and get all your appeal calls.
  
• 11:00-Vladdy has to jump out of the way of a slider way inside...I have to wonder long he thought about swinging at it before it got to him.
• 11:01-Error by Lowrie on Vladdy's grounder to short...inning should be over, but now there's two on for Torii...
• 11:03-Ouch...Torii fouls one off his ankle. I can't imagine how bad that shit hurts, but all these guys just shake it off!!! Must be the G2...
• 11:05-Torii!!!!! Nice single to shallow left to score GA! Angels lead 1-0! Unearned run for Lester, stemming from the error on Lowrie.
• 11:06-Ground out by Kendrick to end the inning and strand two, but the Halos got a run...that's the price of Small Ball...lots of runners left on.
• 11:07-I'm sorry...is New Kids on the Block on this hip hop countdown? Oh, no...I guess the Hip Hop Countdown is over, and we've moved on to Behind the Music: NKOTB. There goes my entire gimmick for this post...fucking Boston.
• 11:09-It begins. Youkilis gets a solid single to lead off the 4th. That wheel looks loose...
• 11:10-Not-Manny again...
• 11:11-Not-Manny strikes out again...
• 11:13-85th mention of St. Mike's hip injury by Buck Martinez
• 11:14-St. Mike strikes out to end the side...but now that the countdown is done for the night, I have nothing to do during commercials :(
  
• 11:17-Now, Buck's making excuses for Lowrie's error...evidently the grass is too fast for him. I wish i had an empty beer can to throw at the TV.
• 11:20-Two quick groundouts to Lowrie at short for the Halos...there goes that theory, eh Buck?
• 11:21-Looking like a real pitcher's duel after four...if this keeps up, I like our chances. Lackey's got the stuff to go deep into the game, and he's got Shields, Arredondo and K-Rod to hold onto it for him.
  
• 11:24-Family Guy's on...the one where Peter goes undercover at the school to stop the toad licking problem...and it made me wonder, whatever happened to Billy Ocean??
• 11:26-Lackey's flirting with...are you fucking serious that they're mentioning the fact that Josh Fucking Beckett's not pitching til game three again?????? Anyway, Lackey just gave up an infield bunt single. Jacoby and Meyers has got some wheels...steals second, but gets stranded.
• 11:29- Nice tie on Anderson Cooper.
• 11:31-Quarantine, eh? Yeah, pass...
• 11:33-GA reminds me of Pedro Cerrano...he just had that look on his face. Problem is, I can't tell if it's the Cerrano that can't hit the curveball, or the "Fuck you, Joboo. I do it myself" Cerrano.
• 11:34-It's the "Jesus no help with curveball" Cerrano.
• 11:36-Teixeira's too hard to type...he's just gonna be Tex from here on out. Anyway, Tex singles to left to give Vladdy a shot here...who knocks one thru the hole to right...two on, two out for Torii!
• 11:37-Ugh...dribbler back to Lester.
• 11:39-I hate Frank Caliendo.
• 11:41-Big Papi...Big Popup...again :)
  
• 11:42-Youkilis always looks like he REALLY has to take a shit when he's standing in the box...
• 11:45-Lackey strikes out Drew, and the fans give a golf clap...I hate being an Angels fan sometimes. GET UP OFF YOUR ASSES AND YELL!!! IT'S THE F%&KING POSTSEASON!!!!!
• 11:46-Not-Manny hits a two-run shot...and Caray predictably says "Manny who??" The cheers for that home run were the loudest of the game. Again, I hate being an Angels fan sometimes. Lackey gets outta the inning. I need a cigarette.
  
• 11:55-Thank God for the DVR. Ran into the creepy purple cup guy outside while I was smoking...dude's weird.
• 11:58-117th mention of Josh Fucking Beckett during the broadcast.
• 12:00-...and it's tomorrow.
• 12:02-Lester strikes out the side, and we've reached the 7th. Time for the Rally Monkey to make an appearance.
• 12:03-Jacoby and Meyers ropes one to right, and Gary Mathews, Jr. (jr. stands for 'juicer') loses it in the lights(!). Jacoby ends up at third with two outs. Just fantastic. Lackey's looking shaky, as are all four wheels on this wagon.
• 12:06-Lackey walks Pedroia, leaving two on for Ortiz. Good night, John. Darren Oliver coming in to relieve.
• 12:07-Oddly enough, the first Viagra ad of the night...would have expected these much earlier. My favorite part of the Viagra ad? The caption at the bottom that reads "See our ad in Golf Magazine". Is it really just golfers that have this problem? Does Mickelson need to tell us something?
  
• 12:12-Full count to Papi...and Oliver gets outta the jam by getting Papi swinging.
• 12:13-Second Viagra ad of the night...seek immediate help for an erection lasting longer than four hours (alternatively, call every friend you have and brag about it).
• 12:15-I think I'm going to start a drinking game for Game 2. Every time these idiots mention Josh Fucking Beckett (not pitching then either), I'm going to drink. I should be beyond hammered by the end of the game.
• 12:19-The pace of the game has slowed considerably. The Angels are letting Lester impose his will on them. Only Halos with hits thus far are GA, Tex, Vladdy and Torii. Another K for Lester.
  
• 12:24-Took five minutes for GA to line out to Pedroia. I feel the life force slipping away...that old familiar sting of "We own you" from the Red Sox is setting in on the Halos. On the upside, Tex, Vladdy and Torii are due up in the 8th for the Angels. On the downside, the entire Angels bench is sitting in the dugout. When they were up a run, they were all on the top step being loud and pulling for their teammates...they appear to have already given up.
• 12:28-Graphic flashed on the screen "Red Sox have outscored the Angels 17-1 from the 8th inning on in the last six postseason games." Now, if you'll pardon me for a moment; I'm going to slam the bathroom door on my head a few times.
• 12:32-Not-Manny flares one the opposite way and has a double. I may hate Not-Manny more than I hate Manny.
• 12:35-St. Mike grounds out to end the top of the 8th inning, and hobbles feebly up the base line...he may be done for the night. Most likely the last best chance for the Halos coming up.
• 12:36-I hate Lauren Conrad. Why did they change the song in this stupid LG commercial from "Heaven" by Warrant to "Oh Yeah" by Yello? Did Warrant sue?? Seriously??
  
• 12:40-Jacoby and Meyers makes an absolutely amazing catch on a sure bloop single from Tex. Just one of those things where nothing's going the Halos' way.
  
• 12:42-Vladdy shows some life and singles to left. Torii best come thru.
• 12:43-Torii comes thru with a bloop single, and in true Angels fashion, Vladdy tries to take third from first, and gets thrown out by Kevin "Oops, I crapped my pants" Youkilis. Torii on first, two outs. Replay shows Vladdy running thru a stop sign from the third base coach...Angels are firing on just about no cylinders right now and I'm starting to get tired.
  
• 12:47-This should say something about Angels fans; I just spotted another Walmart jersey in the stands. The name on the back? Scioscia. I could understand if it was a Dodgers jersey with Scioscia on the back, but...no. It was an Angels jersey. Angels fans, here's a tip; you don't ever get the manager's jersey. Ever. I was born in the wrong state.
• 12:50-Kendrick grounds out to short. Jon "Hey, aren't you that kid from Detroit Rock City?" Papelbon starts to warm up in the bullpen.
  
• 12:52-Why do they insist on showing the E-Trade commercial with the baby puking? The other two are so much better...haven't seen the clown one in months. Just saying.
• 12:54-Shields back to work for the Halos. Lowrie singles. V-Tek sac bunts him over, and Jacoby and Meyers coming up...he's already been on base four times. This is my existence.
• 12:58-And the remaining wheels have come off. Jacoby and Meyers singles to right and scores Lowrie. So now the Halos are two runs down with one away, with Usain Bolt on first, and the ever-devoted Angels fans are heading for the exits. Chants of "Let's go Red Sox" echo from the stands. I love Anaheim.
  
• 1:00-Jacoby and Meyers steals another base, eliminating the DP possibility.
  
• 1:01-Angels catcher Mike Napoli takes a hard foultip off his knee and collapses...a fitting development.
• 1:04-Ortiz strolls to the plate and Caray says: "his 14 game LDS hit streak is on the line." First pitch swinging up the middle, base hit, scores Usain Ellsbury. Arredondo comes in to stop the bleeding. Hitters number seven-eight-nine in the lineup coming up in the bottom of the ninth (if we ever get there) to face that kid from Detroit Rock City. Just wonderful.
• 1:08-Arredondo gets outta the inning, which makes me realize, as much as I love K-Rod, the Halos are going to be fine without him next year. Arredondo is money.
• 1:12-Graphic: "Current Angels Postseason roster is 1-38 against Jonathan Papelbon." Not sure why I'm still awake.
• 1:14-Just caught a glimpse of the Carl's Jr. ad on the right field wall. God damn, a Western Bacon Cheesburger would go nicely right now. I've completely lost interest in the game as Kendry Morales has come in to pinch hit.
• 1:15-Okay, Morales can stay. Pinch hit single to right :) The Rally Monkey makes an appearance on the JumboTron...hope begins to trickle back into my consciousness.
  
• 1:17-Seriously, Papelbon looks like Sam Huntington. I can't look at him without thinking of Jimmy Olsen in Superman Returns!
• 1:18-After Aybar strikes out, Chone Figgins remains the last hope...and he's 0-4 on the night...and he quickly gets behind 0-2.
• 1:21-Ballgame. I quit. Fuck Boston. Good night.
  

Three days to go...

This post was originally going to be dedicated to the great city of Detroit. I was going to write a nice long diatribe about the long overdue end of the Matt Millen Era, and about how this seemingly small act could begin to turn the tide for one of America’s most downtrodden cities and restore it to a place of significance in not only the world of sports, but within the consciousness of this country. I even had it all planned out: I was going to talk about the history of sports in Detroit and how it’s affected economic factors in the city; about how events like the Malice in the Palace (as well as its little sister fracas committed by Rick Mahorn and Lisa Leslie, a witty name for which I’ve yet to come up with) have affected the perception of Detroit as a city; about how the city’s only saving grace in the sports world is the Red Wings, who have been and continue to be the class of the NHL, but no one seems to notice, largely thanks to Gary Bettman’s absolute ineptitude as Commissioner. I was ready to talk about Millen’s record as a player thru college and the pros, about his career as Madden Jr. before the Ford family anointed him the savior of the silver and blue. I was ready to talk about Millen’s abysmal record, the Millen Man March protests, the paper bag fans, the Fire Millen t-shirts, the Bears, Packers and Vikings fans showing up at Lions games with signs saying, “We Love Millen!!!”…a truly comprehensive (and probably even longer than my usual rantings) look at Detroit and how it can take this experience and build on it. But then, two things happened:

1) Every sportswriter on Earth already did that yesterday.
2) A whole bunch of crap happened in the sports world yesterday that, sadly, push the Lions soap opera off the page.

…so I gotta stay current. Matt Millen and the Lions will have to wait (which means I most likely will never get around to writing about it). Let’s begin.

The Mets looked like they actually wanted to win the NL East on a rainy Thursday night in NYC, beating the Cubs in dramatic fashion in the bottom of the ninth with a walk-off single by Carlos Voltron (or Beltran, whichever you prefer). The Brewers, entering the night deadlocked with the Mets in the wildcard race, held serve in their victory over the woeful Pirates in even more dramatic fashion, with Ryan Braun’s first career walk-off home run (which also happened to be his first career grand slam). The Phillies had the night off in anticipation of their weekend series against the mighty Washington Nationals, so the Mets gained a half-game on the Phils, leaving them one game back in the East, while still deadlocked with Milwaukee in the wild card race. While listening to Mike and Mike this morning, something crossed my mind. Greeny stated his opinion that teams that have clinched playoff berths at this point don’t need to prove anything…if they wanna rest their marquee guys, or give September callups some significant PT to further determine the path they wanna take with them, fine. They don’t owe anything to anyone. Which got me thinking…

Could the Cubs be deliberately playing under speed?

Think about it. MLB playoff rules state that a team can not play a team from its own division in the Divisional round of the playoffs. Which means, if the Mets emerge on top of this wildcard race, then the Cubs will face off with them in a five-gamer in the first round. If the Mets catch the Phils, and the Phils get the wildcard, then Charlie Manuel’s crew is heading to Wrigleyville. In either of those scenarios, the Cubbies get the wildcard winner. However, if the Brewers end up winning the wildcard, then the Cubs will get the division winner with the weakest record (as the Cubs and Brewers both play in the NL Central), which would be the Dodgers, who lost last night, but backed into the playoffs with an Arizona loss.

So with the Phils and Mets both at home for the final weekend of the season playing weak divisional opponents, you have to ask, what are the Cubs hoping happens here? By dropping the series against the Mets, they put the Mets in a good spot to catch the Phils. Now let’s say the Nats relish the spoiler role and take the Phils series 2-1 this weekend; and the Mets take two of three against the Marlins, that sets up a play-in game for the East. The outcome of that game may or may not determine who wins the wildcard…if this scenario happens, the wildcard winner will also depend on the Brewers road series this weekend against…wait for it…the Cubs.

I’m a conspiracy theorist…I don’t think the Cubbies want any of Manny or the Dodgers in a five-gamer. I think they’re going to win at least two of the three games this weekend and keep the Brewers out. My prediction is that the Phils win the East, with the Mets getting the wildcard, which would set up the Phils/Dodgers and Cubs/Mets series in the NLDS.

In other news, the Rays failed to lock up the AL East last night, with their loss and Boston’s relatively easy victory over the Indians. Boston looks like they’re beginning to get into postseason mode, so the Rays better hope they can get at least one win this weekend and lock up the East so they can get a matchup with either the White Sox or the Twins in the ALDS. Otherwise, they’re going to have to make the trip west and face my Angels in a five-gamer. Come to think of it, that might be a preferable scenario for me…let’s think about this. A young team with no playoff experience coming to Anaheim to face the AL West champions with loads of experience…I like it. Go Red Sox! I don’t think that’s going to happen. I don’t think the Tigers have it in them to sweep the Rays, and I seriously doubt the Yanks are going to drop all three to the Sox when they can play a mild spoiler. Prediction here is that the Sox are coming west for a short series against the Angels.

That just leaves the race in the AL Central. The Twins got themselves on a hot streak and caught the White Sox on a downturn…and currently lead the Central by a half-game. The Twins have a homer against the lowly Royals this weekend, while the Pale Hose have a homer against the lowly Indians. The White Sox have a unique problem here…they still owe a game to the Tigers, which, if necessary, is scheduled for Monday. Let’s say both the Twinkies and the Sox sweep their weekend series, still leaving the Twins a half-game up…that makeup game against the Tigers determines just about everything for the White Sox. The Tigers—who damn near every sportswriter in the country predicted was going to score 1,000 runs this year and could start printing World Series tickets in April; and who currently sit 14 games below .500—could have the opportunity to play the ultimate spoiler and keep Ozzie’s crew out of the postseason, and end any hope of a Windy City Series.

And we haven’t even talked about the weather yet...I’m not going to go into it, but it could play serious havoc with the NL East race.

All of this adds up to an incredibly intriguing weekend of baseball. And I won’t see any of it. Going to Happy Valley to watch Penn State play Illinois…so I’ll be pretty drunk all weekend.

Speaking of college football, there was a game last night. Some team from SoCal got beat by some team from Oregon. From what I hear it was pretty important…

A pox on the Paulus family!

I was looking forward to watching the Virginia Tech/Carolina game all day yesterday. After watching Penn State systematically dismantle Temple in the early afternoon, the 'Rita was sufficiently happy with life to placate me by allowing the VT/UNC game to be on TV. It was gorgeous...all that beautiful Carolina blue filling the stands at Kenan Stadium. And it started out really nicely. Butch Davis has the Heels in prime position to make a serious run at the ACC title (now, whether that's a product of the Heels playing well, or just that ACC football is pretty terrible these days is another question; one which I lack the knowledge of NCAA football to answer with any authority). Even Corso picked the Heels to win on Gameday (Herbstreit didn't, but he's a dick).

During the first half of the game, I started to get wistful. Seeing commercials for UNC made me want to go there even more. The 'Rita and I started making plans to go down there for a weekend in January (she's got an aunt that lives down there), and maybe even see the Heels at the Dean Dome play U of Miami. I even got online and started looking at UNC merchandise. One of the things that caught my eye was a doormat with the UNC logo and the Dook logo with the caption underneath, "A House Divided". I thought that was funny...I should have known.

I was feeling pretty good about it...would be a great time for a statement win over one of the ACC's perennial powerhouses. And the game started out well...the Heels worked out a few of the kinks and held a 17-3 lead midway thru the third quarter, until...

Virginia Tech defender Orion Martin busted through the Heels O-line and got a pretty strong sack on Heel's QB T.J. Yates, which forced him to leave the game, not to return. They carted him off and x-rayed his left ankle (negative, thankfully). He was diagnosed with an ankle sprain, and will be re-evaluated today, at which point the Heels will know whether their collective gridiron destinies lie with him, the proven (and much improved) commodity, or in the hands of a double agent...a turncoat...a traitor; the redshirt freshman backup Heels QB, Mike Paulus.

I immediately got a weird feeling when I saw that name on the back of his jersey. I said to the 'Rita, "Um, I'm not exactly stoked that UNC's backup's last name is Paulus...I hope he's not related to..."

I was interrupted by David Norrie, ESPN play-by-play man for the game:

• "Mike Paulus, separated from his brother by eight miles and a shade of blue..."

That's not true!!!! That's impossible!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Greg Motherf%&king Paulus. The Senior starting point guard for the Dook Blue Devils. A house divided!!!!!!

From the time Yates was taken out of the game, the tide turned for the Hokies. VT ended up ekeing out a 20-17 win. I blame Greg Paulus.

My main question is this...how did this slip through the cracks???? There should be a law!

Of course I'm overreacting. Mike's a kid, and he did make a couple of decent plays, but threw two interceptions in a quarter and a half. He'll get better if he's needed, and frankly, he's most likely the starting QB in a couple of years, so we're going to have to live with it. That being said, I'm still gonna look at that kid cross-eyed.

The Heels are the overwhelming consensus pre-season number one basketball team in the country (a fact that makes me just a little nervous), and it'll be a blast to watch them all season long. And I'll never ever forget the game that gave me the picture at the top of this column (that's Greg Paulus whimpering like a little girl in the bottom of the pic as Danny Green posterizes him, in last season's Heels win at Duke). Mike, I hope you're paying attention...because Tar Heel Nation does not trust you. You're tainted. You can rise above it, but it's going to take an inhuman performance to win us over. At least you chose the right school, so there is hope for you.

(Insert joke about Chris Cooley's junk here)

Thoughts from the weekend...

Saturday:

• Maybe Cal really was affected by the time change...
• Watching the Penn State/Syracuse game, ESPN made a very big deal of promoting the film The Express. While it made sense, given that the film premiered the night before in Syracuse, and given that Ernie Davis went to Syracuse. What didn't make sense to me was that ESPN, a subsidiary of the Walt Disney Company, was actively promoting a film by Universal Studios. While I commend it, it's unbelievably out of character for the House of Mouse. Ever watch ESPN? Every commercial is for something on ABC, and every 45 seconds they're pointing you to ESPNRadio, or ESPN.com, or the Disney theme parks, cruises, whatever. It got so bad that the ombudsman (yeah, I'm not sure what it means either) for ESPN wrote a lengthy column about it. It's refreshing to see something different. And speaking of Syracuse football...
• Ernie Davis wore the same number that Jim Brown did at Syracuse, which raises an interesting question; Syracuse didn't retire Jim Brown's number? Really? What, he wasn't good enough???? How good do you have to be to get your number retired??? (Addendum: That number, 44, was eventually retired in 2005 to honor Ernie Davis, Jim Brown, Floyd Little, and according to wikipedia, in honor of the school's ZIP code, 13244, which, oddly enough rushed for over 1,500 yards in 1975).
• Given what happened on Saturday, I'm willing to make one small concession. Pay attention, 'Rita: Penn State has an outside chance at running the table this year. Looking at their remaining schedule, their biggest challenges appear to be on 10/11 at Wisconsin and on 10/25 at Ohio State. Granted, they're going to have to put together something pretty amazing to win either one of those on the road, but like I said (to avoid the j-word), it's an outside chance.
• I've tried over and over to find a silver lining in UCLA's 'No-KY-No-Reach-Around' 59-0 behind the woodshed drubbing by BYU. Every time I do, I find that someone took a steaming dump in it. It was like watching the Creed/Drago fight. No one expected Creed to win, but come on!
  
• The 'Rita brought up an interesting point on Saturday: USC starting cornerback Shareece Wright was charged with a felony after being detained at a party last weekend. This story broke prior to the OSU game on Saturday night, yet Pete Carroll still gave him significant playing time. In my (and the 'Rita's) opinion, this shows a glaring character flaw on the part of Carroll. One of the 'Rita's biggest bones of contention this season has been the bad press Penn State has been getting because of the numerous suspensions (and one dismissal) of players by Joe Paterno this year. Think about it though...is it really that Penn State players are that thuggish, or is it that Paterno is so old (insert 'school' here, if you wish) and grizzled and hardassed that he's completely unwilling to let something as seemingly innocuous as a missed curfew under the rug? (Sidebar: I did a little research on this, and it turns out that Wright went to my alma mater, Colton High School and graduated a year ahead of my little brother. I called my brother to see if he knew Wright, but he just knew of him...never really talked to him or anything. And that little tidbit paled in comparison to what I thought when I found out that when he was detained, Wright was at a party in Colton. Now, I understand you may not know much about Colton, but it raises a question that baffles me: If you're a full-ride scholarship starting cornerback for the number one ranked team in the country, the University of Southern California...why in the name of all that is holy would you go to a party in Colton??????)
• Ohio State: O-H! S-H! I-T!
• I'm convinced that USC could handily beat the Kansas City Chiefs, the Miami Dolphins, the Detroit Lions and my beloved San Francisco 49ers.
• After that win, I'm so happy not to live in Los Angeles anymore. Having grown up there, I can say from experience that LA's front-runner fan reputation, for the most part, is well deserved. I can only imagine the number of USC flags on cars all over the southland these days. By the way, you wanna know why LA doesn't have an NFL team? Three words: Ewe. Ess. Sea.
• Tina Fey is the funniest woman on the planet.
• Michael Phelps has nuked the fridge.
  

Sunday:

• Jim Zorn set the tone for a great Redskins season by going for it on 4th & 2 at the end of the game. I'm not saying they're going to contend yet, but he exceeded all expectations by calling a pass instead of a handoff to Portis. Well done.
• Chris Horton may have just earned himself a starting job; two interceptions and a fumble recovery in his first NFL start due to an illness to Reed Doughty. I'm guessing Doughty feels breath on the back of his neck.
• Mike Shanahan has bigger stones than you. Mike Shanahan has bigger stones than Liz Taylor's jewelry box.
  
• Ed Hochuli was the number one pickup on fantasy waiver wires on Monday.
  
• The Seattle Seahawks are 0-2. The Jacksonville Jaguars are 0-2. The San Diego Chargers are 0-2. The New England Patriots are 2-0. Of those teams, precisely one has a quarterback that's won a Super Bowl, and his backup has more wins than any of the other three teams mentioned above this season.
  
• JT O'Sullivan is the next Jeff Garcia. Yeah, he had his moments, but he's not the answer either. To Dr. John York, from me, an embattled, passionate 49er fan...please please please PLEASE! SELL THE FRANCHISE TO SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO WIN!!!!
  
• I ate eight pounds of meat last night...and an equivalent amount of fried polenta. Then I slept the sleep of pure, unadulterated, gluttonous, hedonistic bliss.
  

Jesus saves, but not as often as K-Rod

So Thursday night, Frankie Rodriguez tied Bobby Thigpen's single season's save record with 57 saves. He's in prime position to break the record tonight against the Mariners (provided the Angels don't completely blow them out...it is the Mariners). Being an Angels fan, I'm really proud about it, but there's a few things that bother me about the whole thing.

First off, earlier this year, Jerome Holtzman, the consensus creator of the statistic passed away. Jerome was a legendary baseball writer, and by all accounts, a good man. He came up with the idea of the save in 1960 to somehow quantify a reliever's worth. When the statistic became official in 1969, MLB went back and retroactively awarded saves for those prior to that point. Now, understand...the statistic was meant to quantify a reliever's worth, but what it eventually did was create a special type of reliever...the almighty closer. Holtzman's death seemed to spark a line of revisionist thinking about the save statistic and the closer's role in general.

Jim Caple, one of my favorite baseball writers, wrote this column not long after Holtzman's death. It's a decent and thought-provoking read, but if you don't go there, let me sum it up for you:
- Closers suck.

Just kidding. In all reality, he makes some good points. Closers didn't really exist until the 80s and they didn't become rockstars until the mid-90s. Closers, by my estimation, are the ego equivalent of elite NFL wide receivers. And it's become a little ridiculous...the best closers in the league have entrance music...yes, just like pro wrestlers. I blame Trevor Hoffman...I'm not sure when it started, but he enters the game to "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC. Mariano Rivera strolls to the mound to "Enter Sandman" by Metallica. I'm sure you're drawing the pro wrestling parallel along with me. And yes, just like pro wrestlers' entrances, closers' entrances are silly, but kinda cool at the same time. I used to get really pumped when I would be at an Angels game back in the pre-K-Rod days, and I'd hear Godsmack blaring from the PA at the end of the eighth inning, and see that beast Troy Percival jogging out to the mound. And he had a very scary presence on the mound...his fastball topped out at its peak around 100mph, but the scariest part was his squint...before every pitch, he squinted into the box as if he couldn't see, which added to his gravitas. Think about it...if you're facing down a guy who's got a three-digit heater, and he can't really see the strike zone, are you feeling particularly safe in the batters box?

I digress. But that's my point...the best closers have a mystique about them which is largely manufactured.

(sidebar: the Cal/Maryland game is on in the background, and all the idiot play-by-play team can talk about is the time difference between the West Coast and the East Coast. The 'Rita turned to me and brought up an excellent point: "If I were a Maryland fan, I'd be pissed off right now! Like the only reason we're winning is because Cal is three hours behind?? Screw that! The Cal team did not fly in last night...they've been here for a couple of days. They're not tired, they're just gettin' beat by Maryland!" That's my girl! By the way, to read more about terrible sports announcers, check out this blog by my buddy Brian Powell: awfulannouncing.blogspot.com. It's excellent. If he's watching, I'm sure he'll have much to say about this one.)

(side-sidebar: it appears that Cal may actually have flown in Friday afternoon, but the idiot announcers also said that Jeff Tedford has been ensuring that his team has been getting up and going to bed a couple of hours earlier than normal during the week to prepare...so it still shouldn't make a difference big enough for these morons to keep harping on it the way they have been. We now return you to your regularly scheduled West Coast Biased rantings.)

Caple's point is not that individual closers are overrated, but that the role of the closer is largely overrated. There's undoubtedly some merit to that. There are pitchers out there who routinely pitch complete games; Roy Halladay and CC (sans periods) Sabathia immediately jump to mind. Yet, most of the time closers are only brought in after they've had their setup man pitch the eighth, and only if it's a "save situation". So let's think about this...your starter went a solid 7 and got you a lead...it's not a blowout lead, but you're up by three. Your setup man comes in to pitch the eighth and he's lights out, and you're going into the ninth with a lead. Cue the pyrotechnics and the Black Sabbath, it's closer time. Now, this raises an interesting question...do you really believe that your setup man who's just pitched a great lights out inning can't hold a three-run lead for three more outs? It's a little ridiculous, yet it happens season after season. Not only that, but a few years ago, closers more often than not, would pitch part of the eighth inning. Now, it's almost unheard of. I'm not sure, and I haven't looked it up (can't be bothered, I'm nursing a mild hangover), but I'd be willing to bet that, on average, blown saves have decreased league wide within the last decade.

That's one of the knocks against K-Rod this season...he's never been brought in before the ninth, and he's only been brought in for a non-save situation a couple of times. His numbers are also not as 'dominant' as he has been in the past, or as some other closers are this season. The same day Jim Caple ran his column, fellow ESPN columnist Jonah Keri basically destroyed any hope for K-Rod to win any kind of postseason award with this column, which did a great job of analyzing his season from a purely statistical standpoint. K-Rod's not among the top closers in the league in ERA or opponent's OPS, or any of the other sabermetric stathead stats like VORP or WORP or CHAP or WPA or BUD or CARL or JACKBAUER (pop quiz: which of the preceding are actual statistics, and which did I make up?). On top of that, since the Angels under Mike Scioscia have been a small ball team that doesn't live and die by the home run, they play a ton of close games. Close games translate to save opportunities, of which K-Rod has had more than any other closer this season. And since it's really not that hard to pitch three outs for any MLB pitcher (there's plenty of data out there to support the contention that teams should completely eliminate the closer role), save opportunities mean saves.

Legendary baseball writer Ken Rosenthal wrote this column a few days ago, which echoes a lot of the same items that Caple and Keri stated in their earlier columns, but at the same time, defends K-Rod's place in history. He puts a great perspective on the problem of the closer by saying, "The save rule created closers. The save rule condemns them." It's a great read...if you're going to read any of the three I've put up, make that the one.

Now, what truly frustrates me is that this is an actual record, and it seems that because many sportswriters were afraid of upsetting a hall of fame writer of Jerome Holtzman's stature, they waited until he kicked off to start questioning the relevance of his brainchild and legacy. Not only that, but it's not K-Rod's fault that his team gets him more save opportunities. It's not his fault that Holtzman passed away and writers felt it was safe to start criticizing the save rule. Whatever the circumstances, Frankie Rodriguez is going to break the single season save record within the next few days, and he will more than likely hold that record for a very long time, because it's taken a confluence of good fortune to put him in this position in the first place.

I, for one, am extremely impressed with this kid. In his rookie season, he played setup man for Troy Percival in the World Series, and became the full time closer in 2003. He quickly became established as one of the more consistently lights out closers in the league. He had a pretty public arbitration hearing before the beginning of this season, which he lost, virtually guaranteeing that he'll be gone at season's end, whether or not they can bring home a ring. He's put it behind him and become the quintessential professional athlete in the free agent era: performing the 'did you really not see this coming?' contract year surge. So yeah, some team's going to overpay for him next year, and since the Angels have Jose Arredondo waiting in the wings to take over the closer's role (can't wait to see what he chooses for entrance music!), they'll likely shake Frankie's hand and thank him for his service. And because of the set of circumstances he's been given with this team, this season, he'll never sniff anything close to 55 saves again. I've been a fan of K-Rod since his rookie year in 2002, and I wish him the best wherever he ends up. More than anything, I'm really hoping that he can bookend his stint with the Angels with World Series Championships...he started his career with one in 2002.

Frankie, do your thing. Don't listen to the haters out there. We'll miss you next year, but at least you (and we, as Angels fans) can rest easy knowing that the single season save record will be safe in Anaheim for years and years. And wherever you end up, if you can bring home a ring for us, we'll give you the same honor we gave to Scott Speizio and Troy Percival upon their returns home. If, by chance, you come home to the Big A, and your team's got a save situation, your first fans will stand and cheer loudly for you. You've become as much a part of Angels lore as Wally, Reggie, the Kingfish and the Rally Monkey. So thanks, Frankie. Finish the season strong and let's bring it home! Your contract value will be quite enhanced if you do.

Eulogy for a million fantasy football teams

I set this up a long time ago, but just hadn't got around to writing anything until now. Maybe it was lack of inspiration. Maybe it was lack of free time. Today, I have a little bit of both. Football's back!

To begin with, let me apologize to about 18 percent of you out there. I figure that's about the right number...something like one in six of you thought you had your league on lock because you drafted Tom Brady. I feel for you guys and dolls out there. It's a rough blow to all of us. The man's a national treasure (I'll address you Pats fans in a moment, just wait your turn.). Okay, that was said with tongue firmly planted in cheek, given my distaste for all Boston area sports teams. In all seriousness, there's nothing funny about it (well, one tiny thing, and I'll come back to that later). Brady's easily the best QB in the game right now, and I'm starting to buy into the Joe Montana comparisons...he just wins, and makes it look easy. I know, I know...Peyton's great too (well, he was only slightly more effective than Brady on Sunday), but if Brady's Joe, then Peyton's Elway...probably much more talented physically, but can only close the deal sporadically.

Far be it from me to actually wish harm upon someone, even Tom Brady...it sucks that he's already done for the year. Sure, I've playfully wished harm upon about 90 percent of the league at some point, but when I heard about this one, I was mostly perplexed...Brady just does NOT get hurt! Going into Sunday, he had the third longest streak of games started of all time...not active, but all time. The guy's a machine, and has been extraordinarily lucky in his career to have been standing behind five Mack trucks...ever watch him in the pocket??? Most of the time, he's got enough time to write a letter to Mom, "Oh, and Mom, Gisele says hi. Love, Tommy Boy." Only in the Super Bowl did we start to see chinks in the brick wall Pats O-line...looks like that concern hasn't gone away. The hit, by most accounts was clean, it was just unfortunate...kinda like the situation the Pats are in right now, along with all you fantasy team owners. But, as always, there may be hope.

Fantasy owners, take heart. It's week one. There are myriad options for you at this point. You can hit up the other owners in the league and try to trade eight of your receivers (you did draft eight receivers, right? Why worry? You've got Tom Brady!) for Jake Delhomme or Jon Kitna. Don't worry too much, I'm sure you drafted a strong RB to hedge your bets, right? Oh, you got Frank Gore? Yikes (it truly pains me to say that as a 49ers fan, but I'm also a realist). Well, it looks like your main option is the waiver wire. And you know which name you need to look for...say it with me, now...Matt Cassel. I haven't looked, but I'd be willing to bet that at this point, 8:23pm EST on Monday, September 8, Matt Cassel is probably about 60 percent owned. Not impressive until you consider that he was about minus-40 percent owned yesterday morning. Tom Brady drafters, take heart...I know you went out and got Cassel. You'll be fine.

Now, to include the Pats fans in the conversation. I wouldn't worry if I were you either. Tom's great, as I've said. He's won Super Bowls throwing to the beer man from Section 405. As TMQ said a few years ago, the WR helmets for the Pats up until last year seemed to have had an inscription on the inside that said "Insert head. Become superstar." That was before last year. Of course, he didn't win it last year, but consider that it took a pair of miraculous escapes by Eli and an impossible headtrap catch by David Tyree within about four seconds to beat him. No, the real difference last year was...say it with me, now...Randy Moss.

I remember about ten years ago, there was another offensively dominant team out there that came just shy of winning it all (well, they got smoked in the NFC Championship Game by, oddly enough, the G-men). The 1998 Vikings were a powderkeg on offense, and they were helmed by some who-dat QB named Daunte Culpepper. I also remember every sports anchor/writer/announcer touting Culpepper as the greatest since Joe...and I remember thinking to myself, "He's got a great O-line, and he's throwing to Randy Moss and Cris Carter. I could get out there and throw for 400 yards a game with that combo." Fast forward ten years, and we have a who-dat QB with a great O-line who's throwing to Randy Moss and Wes Welker (No, I'm not comparing Welker to Moss or Carter, but he's a viable threat, and Moss is better than ever). A lot of stuff's going to have to go right for the Pats for them to reach that level, but it's absolutely possible. They have the easiest schedule in the NFL this season, being that they play in the shoddy AFC East (yes, even with Brett Fav-re, the Jets are still barely a .500 team), and they've drawn the below average AFC West and the abysmal NFC West this year.

Now, this is a shot in the dark, but it's not out of the realm of possibility. Matt Cassel has an absolutely golden opportunity here. If we can all recall the names Kurt Warner, Marc Bulger, Jeff Garcia, Tony Romo and yes, even Tom Brady. What do they have in common? If you follow the NFL at all (or if you've been reading anything NFL related in the last 24 hours), you know that all of them were who-dats who got their first shot at the big time when the starters in front of them went down with injuries. I'm not saying Brady should be worried, but he may want to have Drew Bledsoe on speed dial...just in case.

Oh, the one funny thing about this whole mess? Belichick's had Brady on the injured list as "questionable - leg injury" every single week for the last three years. The injured list came out this past Sunday without Tom Brady on it. Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes.

So buck up, Pats fans...all is not lost. As long as Emperor Belichick is walking those sidelines in the cutoff hoodie shroud, Darth Moss is still a threat. And since San Diego, Jacksonville and Indy all lost on Sunday...anything is possible.

Week two...what ya got?